Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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