I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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