She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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