Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
