Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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