If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize