remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
