He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drunk is a universal language darling
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