How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
