Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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