she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
