Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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