Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
