Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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