You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Randomize
