do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
