can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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