good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i've created a new STD.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
