i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
