I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
