fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
