I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
