When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got inside last night via doggy door
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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