i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
