She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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