You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
