we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Vodka?
Forever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
