..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
