you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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