i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Randomize
