She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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