I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
