So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
