Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
