The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I looked at my own cervix.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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