Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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