I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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