it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
