We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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