so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
