I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
