literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
