Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
