Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize