I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
