You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
