I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've blown a few things in my day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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