the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
