No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
