Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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