You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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