I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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