I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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