Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize