That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
