drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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