I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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