I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
