WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
