I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize