you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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