Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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