Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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