I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
