I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
