arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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