Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
