I think im going to throw up on grandma
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
