never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am spending my child support on dildos
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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