Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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