the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize