North Korea, Best Korea!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
