woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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