giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
