We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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