well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
