Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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