now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
