Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize