Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
