i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In other news, I just burned my penis
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
