We won't sleep together?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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