What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
