Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
