How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
