I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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