And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
