Don't you send me to vm
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
