It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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