My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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