why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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