Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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