The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
