alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
