Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
