I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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