This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
