omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
