I just cut my nipple shaving
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
