these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
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