I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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