Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
