That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
