i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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