You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
