let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
