I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
