You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
