i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
